Sunday, February 6, 2011

Shooting Stars (Poem)


Sean McCormick, Haunted Granary
© Sean McCormick Used With Permission

Shooting Stars

So it's come to this:
your blue moods filling the spaces

we inhabit once we've devoured
our fruits with passion. Look

what's left after all the doors
and windows have opened,

the temperature's been taken, closets
emptied, and the last remaining chair

removed. The dance floor's
waiting while I count shooting stars.

© 2011 Maureen E. Doallas
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I wrote this poem for today's Picture Prompt Challenge at One Stop Poetry. Featured there is an interview with Canadian photographer Sean McCormick and the image above for today's One Shoot Sunday event.

Go here to read Chris Galford's interview with McCormick and then scroll down for instructions on how to contribute your poem or piece of flash fiction to the challenge.

20 comments:

Padmavani Karkera said...

My favourite lines- your blue moods filling the spaces
we inhabit once we've devoured
our fruits with passion.

Terrific Maureen!

hedgewitch said...

Like the way you've taken some common combinations of words and given them a new context, esp. "..the temperature's been taken..." Great line, and great capture of the moody, distinct personality this picture projects.

nance marie said...

i lost count
the stars too numerous
my eyes closed by a sweet waltz
of the wind

dustus said...

The line breaks on "look" and "removed" add great emphasis to what struck me as a blue mood of dilapidation, yet one with hope springing from the notion of an awaiting dance floor—questioning remains while still counting stars. Wonderful writing. (Agree with hedgewith on the temperature line).

Melissa said...

Funny, I always call them dance floors when the walls (of the old granaries) fall down.

Yes, 'the temperature's been taken' is a nice line. And 'Blue moods filling spaces' can be hard. It does feel as if the air's all gone, doesn't it? That the space which seems wide open, is full up.

jen revved said...

This is beautiful, M-- wistfulness beautifully evoked, idea of moving the furniture out to dance-- tres fabulous. It reminds me of our Bellevue Grange here up against the foothills that's sometimes leased out for weddings...xxxj

Claudia said...

oh i like the waiting dancefloor and the shooting star counting...

Beachanny said...

Oh I read this as a woman's blues. You and I are done...take the sheets and take the chair. The dance floors waiting and I'm making wishes for something more. Great piece. Subtle yet edgy. Thanks. Gay

S. Etole said...

let the dance begin ....

M.L. Gallagher said...

blue moods filling spaces

It is beautiful -- the dance of words and shooting stars falling.

Lovely.

Brian Miller said...

great opening lines....esp with the mood coming after the consumption...hope you dont have to count too many stars. smiles.

Ami Mattison said...

terrific take on this prompt, Maureen!

signed...bkm said...

the blue moods...set the mood and setting for the rest of the piece...nice dancing of words here...bkm

Glynn said...

I just finished reading Neruda's Memoirs today - and this is like a short reprise. Good poem, Maureen, as you count those shooting stars.

Ruth said...

I love that opening line.

There is quite a swing in this poem; I can feel the range of emotions, inhabited like a house. Very nicely done.

Anonymous said...

I like the first line very much, the way it draws the reader into the poem at hand but also implies an unarticulated history.

Terresa said...

Beautiful poem and picture, I feel the blue mood filling the spaces...

Dawn Potter said...

By the way, that "Anonymous" comment was me.

Maureen said...

Dawn, thank you letting me know. So pleased you stopped by and read the poem.

Terresa, Ruth, Glynn, bkm, Ami, Brian, Louise, Susan, Gay, Claudia, Jen, Melissa, Adam, Padmavani, Nancy, Hedgewitch: Thank you all for reading and commenting. I appreciate all the feedback.

Seth said...

Wonderful poem. And such the perfect image to accompany it.