funny
how the mind
works up
the challenge
to clear
a space
one minute
scouting
distance to go
the phoenix
rising
from the nook
of ash, embers
streaming live
wires
still
the next
sentenced
to map
the terrain
of the broken
warp and weft
over and under
and crossed
connections
loosed
the mind's night
light
its own
and only
swaddle
surface wrap
a layer plumped
against the too-high
too-fast
climb
© 2010 Maureen E. Doallas
________________________
I offer this poem for One Stop Poetry's weekly "One Shot Wednesday" event. Be sure to visit the site late Tuesday afternoon and every Wednesday for links to the many contributors' poems.
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30 comments:
Oh, wow.
too high...too fast climb...
that was awesome.
nice imagery...love the quick hit lines...bet this would be very nice read...i lik ethe word swaddle as well...smiles. nice one shot.
Maureen, your construction and word choices always intrigue and delight me. I read this several times piercing through more layers each time. Experiencing the mind's journey with you. Thanks, Gay
Provocative, curiosity-inducing word choices; good flow. I particularly enjoyed this stanza:
"sentenced
to map
the terrain
of the broken
warp and weft
over and under
and crossed
connections
loosed"
I marvel at the artful structure of your lines. Funny how the mind may become worked up in a brief span of time. "mind's night light" casts subtle reflections at the end. Nice One Shot!
Very nice rhythm, it flows with a pace to it.
Intriguing...are loose connections anything like having a screw loose?
(I can resonate with that!)
Absolutely amazing Maureen, I love the structure of this. My perception sees that we can push ourselves sometimes too much and it can overwhelm thoughts and create more a barrier than a gateway...tiring. ~Fantastic writing! ~April :)
I always enjoy the short strikes of words, they hit the right chords and bring life to the imagery within the dots.that was too good! :)
Waiting for the stall...
there was so much in this piece that I want to soak in each aspect - then I get full circle to burn out
Thanks for sharing maureen always a One Shot prize
moonie smiles
The last stanza is sublime...xo
Oh my goodness. I don't know how poets can do this type of thing. Great job!
Very well written.
Great poetry....G
"scouting distance to go the phoenix"
that is the line that grabbed me - fits the subject so nicely...bkm
I found myself reading it again, and again. The images are amazing, and just right, when one gets ones mind around them and remembers the title too. Loved the way the poem rose and fell...
"mind's night light" is awesome, and the whole "sentenced...loosed" stanza too. Brilliant really.
I used up a months worth of adrenalin just now.
lovely flow to this pulls you ever deeper into the weave of the words
"The phoenix rising from the nook of ash" -- masterfully writ.
Loved the movement of this poem, its bump-down grace, how the eye follows vertically, and the abrupt end. (I burn out often, most recently, this afternoon...)
'sentenced
to map
the terrain
of the broken
warp and weft'
Oooh I really like that, nice writing! :-)
What an intriguing blend of words, so quick-paced, too. I found myself wanting to read this several times to unravel the layers of what in might mean -- to me.
this was a wonderful write...it made me think of the electricity that circuits our mind..its charges that control the way we think...its surges and sparks...and then sometimes the switch has been turned off!!! cheers pete
Very beautiful... I liked the last lines .. thanks for sharing...
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/
Well written...it's really funny how the mind works up a challenge...nice way you went about the intro.
Cheers!
Great images. The whole thing flows, racing through--nice word choice, interesting structure.
Wow. I love all of it, but especially the last part:
the too-high
too-fast
climb
Nice One Shot!
I dug the phrase 'nook of ash' - a great descriptive! Nice One Shot, Maureen!
wonderful writing. my muse is dragging her heels lately.
..against the too-high
too-fast
climb...so poignant a description for burn out
also like how you started..like chatting to yourself - and then it's getting more and more intense with the too high/too fast crescendo
wow!
Loved both the style and imagery. I could identify with both. The flow of thought style makes for a fresh read even a few times in a row. There is a solid depth to your poem. Glad I checked out your 1SW post; enjoyable read.
crb
you write with such economy of words without sacrificing the vivid imagery... fantastic write!
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