Sunday, December 11, 2011

Barely Head and Shoulders Above Water (Poem)


Barely Head and Shoulders Above Water

I'm in,
still counting

on you
not to leave

me unmoored
nor lashed

to the invisible
mast

you used
to anchor us

in the undertow.
I've been

pulling hard
enough

to see how
some things look

from your angle,
our boat

taking on more
weight than you

could or ever would
want to carry.

It's empty
now and pointing

the way ahead,
you said.

No turning
back. So you,

the one
who lets go

first, don't find me
after all, barely

head and shoulders
above water.

© 2011 Maureen E. Doallas
__________________________________

This poem is my response to today's photo prompt at Magpie Tales, where you'll find the image by Mostafa Habibi that was provided by Tess Kincaid. Join in by writing your own poem or flash fiction, using as inspiration the photo provided, then go here to add your link and read the other participants' contributions.

17 comments:

Neha said...

nice concept. :)

Kathleen Overby said...

Whoa. This is stunningly see through. You have a genius for structuring poems so there is no riff raff.

jen revved said...

'm in,
still counting

on you
not to leave

me unmoored
nor lashed

to the invisible
mast

you used
to anchor us

in the undertow

The compressed anguish in this poem is palpable, Maureen. I hadn't yet seen the prompt-- exquisite poem. xxxj

Grandmother said...

I'm in … but you don't find me, barely head and shoulders above water. Some relationships are like that.

robkistner said...

struck me as a plaintive yet engaging piece, with a spirit of endearing fidelity... I was drawn in...

ladysknight said...

excellent
the two are not "in the same boat"
as life often is they aren't pulling the same direction

Laurie Kolp said...

At least he's trying to see it her way.

Semaphore said...

The short staccato stanzas are very effective here. Good write.

Cait O'Connor said...

I loved the way you have structured this brilliant poem.

S. Etole said...

You do this so well ... always.

Martin said...

You have a gift for this.

Isabel Doyle said...

Angst on the beach - finely crafted

Helen said...

Accurate description of relationship reality ... I enjoyed it!!!

Hannah Stephenson said...

I'm with Semaphore....I liked the small lines and having to scroll down to read them (a "treading water" sensation).

Doctor FTSE said...

So much said without a word wasted/misplaced.

jeannette said...

this is an excellent piece! i like your style...learning from you. thanks for sharing...

http://preciousnotesmundanethoughts.blogspot.com/2011/12/horizon.html

Wayne Pitchko said...

nicely done....I really like the short stanzas...thanks for sharing