I'm in,
still counting
on you
not to leave
me unmoored
nor lashed
to the invisible
mast
you used
to anchor us
in the undertow.
I've been
pulling hard
enough
to see how
some things look
from your angle,
our boat
taking on more
weight than you
could or ever would
want to carry.
It's empty
now and pointing
the way ahead,
you said.
No turning
back. So you,
the one
who lets go
first, don't find me
after all, barely
head and shoulders
above water.
© 2011 Maureen E. Doallas
__________________________________
This poem is my response to today's photo prompt at Magpie Tales, where you'll find the image by Mostafa Habibi that was provided by Tess Kincaid. Join in by writing your own poem or flash fiction, using as inspiration the photo provided, then go here to add your link and read the other participants' contributions.
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17 comments:
nice concept. :)
Whoa. This is stunningly see through. You have a genius for structuring poems so there is no riff raff.
'm in,
still counting
on you
not to leave
me unmoored
nor lashed
to the invisible
mast
you used
to anchor us
in the undertow
The compressed anguish in this poem is palpable, Maureen. I hadn't yet seen the prompt-- exquisite poem. xxxj
I'm in … but you don't find me, barely head and shoulders above water. Some relationships are like that.
struck me as a plaintive yet engaging piece, with a spirit of endearing fidelity... I was drawn in...
excellent
the two are not "in the same boat"
as life often is they aren't pulling the same direction
At least he's trying to see it her way.
The short staccato stanzas are very effective here. Good write.
I loved the way you have structured this brilliant poem.
You do this so well ... always.
You have a gift for this.
Angst on the beach - finely crafted
Accurate description of relationship reality ... I enjoyed it!!!
I'm with Semaphore....I liked the small lines and having to scroll down to read them (a "treading water" sensation).
So much said without a word wasted/misplaced.
this is an excellent piece! i like your style...learning from you. thanks for sharing...
http://preciousnotesmundanethoughts.blogspot.com/2011/12/horizon.html
nicely done....I really like the short stanzas...thanks for sharing
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